Alien Anthropologist

 

Aliens are currently visiting our planet in order to study the culture and prepare for a peaceful visit. One alien’s report was found recently and sent to NASA, whose scientists and linguists managed to translate. This blogger was given a copy of the translation.

 

To: Commander Zorg

From: Timberlaniat

Subject: The religious practice of Earthlings

Introduction

The planet in this solar system with the only somewhat civilized life has many aspects to its culture.  Like many societies, it’s people are involved in politics, economics, the arts, and religion, among other aspects of culture.  It is the last factor which I would like to address in this memo.

Methods

In order to investigate the religious features of what the people of this planet call Earth, an attempt was made to visit one of their shrines in the early morning hours. It was thought that deeper meanings might be ascertained at that time.  Therefore, the observation was performed in the sixth morning hour according to the Earthling clock.

The researcher arrived at that hour and melted into the scene, dressed in Earth attire.  A priestess greeted the researcher, who welcomed him with a garbled chant in the dialect of the local area.  In order to fit in, the researcher responded in kind.

The researcher noticed the presence of many booths along a window in the front of the building.  These were apparently worship stations, so the researcher took what looked like a seat in one of the booths my himself and began the observation.

Results

The booths had two red sitting stations with an upside down triangle in the center. There were flat rectangles of plastic sitting on a metal base between the sitting stations.  They were elevated and had two long  sitting stations in each. 

 There were other rectangles in the worship area, but they were free standing and had red seats.  There was a counter there also with seats of the same type, but they were welded to the floor.  The floor was painted with white and black alternating sqaures.  There pictures on the walls of the worship area.  These pictures were of vehicles common to Earthlings.  There were other pictures behind the counter of food of the Earthling type.

While the vehicles seemed to be icons, the primary objects of devotion were the food items  used in the worship service.  The food items consisted of different types.  On the rectangles were plastic stands with a clip.  In  the clips were cardboard bulletins with an order of worship. The worshipper is able to choose from the offerings in the bulletins. 

In addition, on each rectangle was a plastic box with little packages of food.  There were also glass holders of food with metal tops.  The tops had several little holes.  These food items already on the rectangles were supplements to the main offerings of food.

There were not many worshippers at this hour.  The worshippers were mainly overweight Earthling men.  Their primary worship attire was a cap with a front bill.  They all partook of a libation known to the Earthlings as coffee, a drink with stimulant.  The man in  the worship booth next to the researcher had a round disc of doughy cakes with a thick liquid, in addition to the coffee. This male also had a glass container of some red liquid. The researcher ordered what this Earthling had from the priestess in order to fit in, except for the red liquid.

While the participants were worshipping, they were aided in their ritual by an electronic Earthling female voice and a beating sound which came from the walls.  Later the electronic Earthling voice switched to the male variety.  A reading of sound decibels showed the sound to be quite high.    

The worshippers came and went during the time the researcher was in the shrine.  Before they left, they concluded their worship by giving green paper to a priest or priestess at the counter behind a rectangular machine.  They also left some of this green paper and round metallic objects on their own rectangles. From previous experience, the researcher knew the green paper and metallic objects to be objects of economic currency on the planet. Before leaving the shrine, the researcher also left some of this currency at the counter and at his own worship station in order to fit in.

As worshippers leave the shrine, a priestess cleans the used worship stations and makes them ready for future use.  The round discs of food are removed and the rectangles are wiped with a cloth material.

Discussion

The Earthling has a religious worship common to other societies in the universe. Offerings of food and drink are used in their ritual. As with other beings, drugs are also used. In addition, as with other inhabitants of the universe, there are worship functionaries in the form of priests and priestesses. 

Thus, the form of Earthling worship is not surprising. However, based on the finding that few attend worship at an early hour in comparison to other times, it can be theorized that those who do come early are particularly devoted.

Earthlings use a stimulant drink in their worship

Further research regarding the meaning of the rituals of Earthling should be done.  It is not clear what function the icons used in the worship have for the Earthling.  More studies should be conducted  to determine exactly who or what those attending the worship are giving reverence to.

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